I'm moving!

Hey all ELPers!  I will be moving to tumbler for most of my posts.  I have yet to make any big posts, but will hopefully start over spring break.  Follow this link to get to my page.  I will be using tumblr to post some short stories and poetry.  Feel free to comment!

Here is the continuation of the ELP like blog posts.  The password is "elp"

I will also have a page for photography here! Check it out! the password is "photoglen"

Goodbye and Thanks!

Looking back, I expected Emerging Leaders to be some long class reading some book about "leadership." I had enrolled in the class because I needed 2 more credits and being for freshmen only, this year is my only chance.  I was pleasantly surprised to discover that class was anything but what I had expected.  ELP was my favorite course this past quarter not necessarily because of the material covered, but because of the group dynamic of the class.  I want to thank Lori and Casey for creating such an engaging and fun course.  I also want to thank all of you guys!  It was our attitude as a class that made ELP special!

What did I learn?  I learned how to better be myself.  When applied to leadership, I learned that a leader cannot just be the "selfish leader" I had been taught to be in Catholic grade school, Jesuit high school, and Boy Scouts.  While serving others is an integral part of leadership, I learned that you cannot forget about yourself.  Lori's story about needing to take care of herself and while she was serving others started to make more sense.  I also learned that leadership requires passion.  You can't truly lead to the best of your ability if you don't genuinely care about the cause you are leading.

Looking forward, I want to find that cause or calling.  College is a time to make new friends, discover who you are, and prepare for life out in the "real world."  But arguably one of the most important parts of college is finding what you love to do and turning that into a career.  Over the past quarter, I have been reflecting on my passions.  I love to cook, take photos while hiking and traveling, read, and write fantasy/sci-fi, camp, lay outside Graham in the sun....

After reflecting on all that, I realized that reading and writing stand out to me in some way.  I worked on my high school's literary magazine sophomore through senior years of high school and lead as the Senior Executive Editor.  I have written some of my own poetry and short stories and love helping other people work on theirs.  Also, I have noticed a problem in the literary world.  Every story is "boy-meets-girl and happily ever after."  Growing up, I wanted something that showed "boy-meets-boy," something that I could relate to.  Taking all of this into account, I have decided to start pursuing an English major emphasizing on creative writing.  If I love my English classes, I will double major in marketing and minor in entrepreneurship.  Why the other two?  I want to start my own publishing and editing company that would promote pro-GLBTQ books for kids ages 8 through 18.  I want to take my passion (reading and writing) and help those growing up who love reading but, like me, have nothing that shows the happily-ever-after we want.

I also want to thank everyone for their support and acceptance through what I have blogged about.  I'll miss everyone next quarter! (Lets keep blogging and post links to them on our Facebook group)

Have a great spring break and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Shout Out to The Hobbit

clip 1: forming

The team starts to act like a team by caring for all of their teammates. 

clip 2: adjourning

Each character group takes their separate way.  The genie travels, Aladdin and the princess marry, everyone lives happily ever after.  

clip 3: storming

The two players argue about how to play the game.  They do not understand the concept of a team, and are more concerned with themselves.  

clip 4: performing

All the fish work together to get Nemo back to the ocean.

clip 5: norming

In this scene Thorin and Bilbo make amends (again) and Bilbo is finally welcomed into the group.  Shared goals: take back Erebor. Resolve conflict: Thorin's grudge against Bilbo. 

This scene also shares similar themes in respect to "norming."

Communication

1. Gather your thoughts:

Do you know what you think?  Do you know what it means?  

2. Relate it to others before speaking:

Do you know what it means to others?  How might it offend someone else?  How might someone not fully understand the spirit of what you are trying to say?

3. Break down the walls:

What is keeping you from expressing what you really mean/feel? It is easy to pinpoint what emotion you want to convey, but it is harder to properly convey that emotion if you aren't completely honest with yourself and others.

4. Care:

Why is it important?  To you?  To others?  How does the effect what you say and how?  

5. Listen:

Repeat steps 1 - 4 but from the perspective of the person (or people) you are listening to.  The other person is going through the same thought process that you went through.  Your job as a listener is to follow them on their thought process to discover what they are saying, how it affects you and others, and why it is important.  At the same time, you have to respect the fact that they had to become vulnerable to do such.  The other person is trusting that you will exert the effort to try and understand his/her point of view.  

All People Are Not Created Equal

All People Are Not Created Equal

Paige - Highlands Ranch, ColoradoEntered on November 11, 2006
http://thisibelieve.org/essay/19715/

The above “This I Believe” essay discusses the inequalities in society.  Paige talks about how the founding fathers believed that all men are created equal.  She then explains how she believes today’s society shows the opposite.  There was a time when I would agree with Paige.  Everyone is born into a unique disposition with different advantages and disadvantages based on race, gender, religion, socio-economic status, orientation… the list goes on.  

Being gay and growing up in the Mid-West, I was specifically aware of the inequalities present in my community: race, socio-economic status, gender, and orientation being the largest characteristics exploited by society.  Even though segregation has been outlawed, it still exists in the city.  The difference between public and private schools is the difference between going to college and not.  Public high schools have a 40% graduation rate, my high school has a 99.9% graduation rate.  College acceptance rate: about 20% and 99.9%, respectively.  While it is illegal to base a pay difference on gender, my mom is paid less than a man in her office that has the same position, less experience, and less time at the company.  While gay rights have improved in the city, there is a difference between the urban and rural perspectives.  Growing up, I would hear and sometimes see protests from the Westboro Baptist Church. (warning, the following link expresses very offensive political views of the WBB, proceed with caution. wiki article here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church)  During February of last year the WBB visited my high school to protest Catholic education, slander and libel the Jesuit priests, and express their views on the GLBTQ community.  At this time in my life I would have agreed with Paige in that “all people are NOT created equal.”  

However, as I have matured and thought over life, I have come to realize that the issue is not that we are “created” in inequality, but treated so.  To say that “all people are created equal” does not attempt to deny the socio-economic, racial, gender, orientation… differences in society.  Instead, it is said in an effort to foster equal treatment that sees past those differences.  To say that we are created equal but treated otherwise shifts the blame from “destiny” or “fate” to the people instituting hate and inequality.  Being born gay does not make me a minority subject to hate speech and prejudice.  But being born into a society that is prone to stereotypes, prejudice, and inequalities is the problem.  We cannot simply blame fate for society’s shortcomings.  We cannot change the situation we are born into.  We do not choose our parents before we are born.  We do not choose to grow up in rich or poor.  We do not choose our race or ethnicity.  We do not choose our orientation.  Fate is ambiguous, but people are definite.  We cannot hope to change fate without realizing the true cause of inequalities: people.  

I believe that instead of saying “All People Are Not Created Equal” is would be more accurate to say “All People Are Not Treated Equal”

Personal Tensions: Who am I?

The Setup 

Well my situation is a little complex, so I’ll just start from the beginning and hope it all makes sense.  Around second grade I started to notice that I felt different.  Being a second grader, however, I didn’t understand what was different about me.  However, I did understand that my difference was not one that was celebrated, rather it was discouraged.  You see, when I was in pre-school both of my parents had long work days.  The only family time I can remember is on Friday evenings when we would go into the living room, let me pick out a VHS and play it through the VCR (anyone remember what those look like?).  Being a pre-schooler I often repeated my same two favorite videos: Cats and Riverdance.  As a four year old I vaguely remember acting out the scenes to Cats and putting on my own reenactment of Riverdance in the living room.  The point of all this is that in first grade I began Irish step dance lessons to have my own Riverdance experience. 

The What 

Well as you can expect that didn’t go so great in school.  Looking back, I started to feel like I had to hide myself when at school.  It was in my daily practices and monthly competitions that I felt true to myself.  Fast forward to sixth grade, I felt fed up with having to hide.  However, my solution as a sixth grader was to quit Irish dance.  The following years I felt like I had lost my identity.  I still had Scouting, but I didn’t feel comfortable being myself.  Instead of being more self expressive, I built up walls and tried to “normalize” myself.  

The So What 

Looking back to before second grade, I would have described myself as an extrovert.  I hated leaving school to be home alone for the rest of the day.  I felt more comfortable in larger groups of people and felt anxious when I has by myself.  To cope, I would play with my golden retriever, Conor, who had been with my family before I was born.  Conor became my best friend at home when my parents were to tired from a long day of work.  I would even talk to Conor and take his facial expressions and reactions as communication.  While some might not understand this, I truly felt like he understood what I was going through.  

The point of all this is that around first and second grade, I felt like my personality changed.  It was after starting Irish dance that I began to have two versions of myself: one that was energetic and loved the attention I got at dance practice and competitions and the me at school that all of the sudden felt alienated and no longer like the social interaction.  In this sense, I think that the Myers-Briggs test would have shown a completely different me if I had taken it before first grade.  When I started to hide who I was I began to take on characteristics of the introvert type.  Being home alone except for my dog and a resting mom on 4 out of 5 school days forced me to adapt to be able to handle playing by myself.  I remember telling my dad one day that I wanted to have friends over every day because I felt lonely and didn’t know how to keep myself busy.  This began my lego obsession.  I had a nearly limitless access to express myself by building legos and I didn't have to invite a friend over.  

The Now What

Having lived hiding who I am since first grade and learning how to play on my own as a pre-schooler I changed into a more introverted self.  But the fact remains, that I was born an extrovert.  While I have adapted to become more introverted, 6 on the MBTI, I am built to be an extrovert.  As I have continued my coming out process I have realized that I have been holding myself back all of theses years, starting with Irish step dance and, relatively more recent on a conscious level, my sexuality.  While I am becoming more open with who I am with friends and faculty, I am discovering that I no longer feel comfortable living with my forced introvert characteristics.  Waiting to say something before other people stems from an insecurity with my identity, not a born tendency.  Wanting to have time to myself to recharge comes from having to adapt to that situation as a kid and the later insecurities with my identity.  

It wasn’t until earlier this week when I realized that while I am struggling to accept my sexual identity I am also struggling to understand which is more comfortable: introvert or extrovert.  I’ve noticed that my alone time has become less relaxing and more taxing.  I feel recharged by socializing in and outside of class.  My “introverted self” was born of my insecurities and fear that have built up since I was 7.  I have been living more than half of my life trying to adapt to make myself more comfortable but in the end only making myself less so.  As I figure out my own identity as being gay I am also feeling the tension caused by wanting to be my natural extroverted self but having the introverted me weight down that which was once natural.  The question "Who am I” is no longer restricted to my identity as a gay college freshmen trying to accept himself for what he is, but also figuring out how I best interact with others and myself.  

Congruence

During last week’s class I had come to realize that it is easy to have values, ideals, goals, and dreams.  Yes, having them is easy.  The difficulty starts when you decide to live them.  The last post-it note I kept was labeled "true to self."  By "true to self" I mean knowing who you are, your identity, what you value, and what you believe. But at the same time, I also refer to being accepting of yourself, both your flaws and strengths.  For me, I have struggled to fully accept myself, until recently, as gay.   

In Jessie J's song, "Who You Are," I found the following verses to hold the most meaning for me: 

Why am I doing this to myself?

I nearly left the real me on the self

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the starts

Its ok to not be ok

Sometimes it's hard to follow you heart

Tears don't mean you losing, everybody's bruising

Just be true to who you are

There's nothing wrong with who you are

In CTW with Dr. Carroll, my class has read "The Left Hand of Darkness" by Ursula Le Guin, which talks about how being vulnerable and open to others is the only way you can make lasting and fulfilling relationships.  For the past four years, I had been doing the opposite by building up walls and "leaving the real me on the shelf."  In my fear of accepting who I am I had lost the very definition of myself.  I chose this song to realize my lack of congruence and to take the steps I need to better emulate being true to myself.  With all the voices of fear in my head arguing with what I feel in my heart, I have truly come to know and will continue to learn the meaning of "sometimes its hard to follow your heart."  The only change I would make to that lyric is to remove sometimes.  At least for me, "it's hard to follow your heart" holds more weight.   

In the post-it note exercise, I noticed how many people had difficulty choosing which note to recycle.  While I shared in this frustration, I knew exactly which post-it would not be recycled. 

PS: I would appreciate it if everyone would keep this within our emerging leaders class, at least for now.  Thanks!

I also found some great photos from Facebook that I think really applies to what we are learning in class and I wanted to share with you guys:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=343278092452837&set=a.202613846519263.43987.202022656578382&type=1&relevant_count=1

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=491276450914917&set=a.419797571396139.90549.418156928226870&type=1&relevant_count=1